lam bad at internet. I have always been more of an observer than a participant. My cousins were the first in our family to get a computer and the Internet. I remember climbing on a very high bar stool watching my older cousin play The Sims while ignoring me. Since then I keep my distance.
Being asked to summarize everything ever made in a neat list of 10 is a bit of an impossible task. And to be honest, the funniest stuff I’ve seen on the web is group chat screenshots that I can’t share here. Fortunately, the Guardian made a big song and dance about how everything should be “legal” and not “mean-spirited”, which significantly reduced the size of the internet.
So here are the 10 funniest things online that won’t sue myself or this good publication.
It will never be funny to me that Tina Turner ran an incredibly homoerotic ad campaign for rugby league in the late 80s and early 90s. I grew up in the rugby league stronghold, Ipswich, and remember seeing these ads on TV. Unfortunately, I never got to see my father play the game he loved, because every time I showed up, he had already been sent to the sin bin.
In 2016, Angie Bowie was with Britain’s Big Brother when she learned the very sad news that her ex-husband, David Bowie, had passed away. She confided in roommate Tiffany Pollard that David was dead. Here, tragedy gives way to comedy: David Gest hid under a duvet in the next room and Pollard thought Gest had died suddenly of cancer in the diary room. Without getting an explanation, she then said to the whole house, “DAVID IS DEAD.”
Gest was found alive and well under his doona. In a tragic turn of events, he died only months later, and just before he embarked on his “David Gest is Not Dead But Alive With Soul” tour. Out of respect, Pollard withdrew the sale of her David is Dead T-shirts. You couldn’t write this.
This video makes me laugh so much. It’s basically Amy Sedaris pointing out every store in her neighborhood that she thinks is a drug front. All at four in the morning. This video has gotten even funnier for me since moving to Melbourne. People in Melbourne like to point out drug fronts. I’m pointing out drug fronts now. I live across the street from a very famous drug front. It has become my guiding star, that’s how I explain to people where I live.
5. Amy Sedaris’ Friday Night Song
Yeah, okay, I like Amy Sedaris; I only read David’s books because sometimes they have stories about Amy. I know this clip won’t be new to anyone, but I never get tired of having this song stuck in my head. It was a real treat to have it appear every Saturday morning during the lockdown.
I like this clip because I get to be a comedy and a movie nerd and it is in black and white. Yes, I’m the worst guest at a dinner party. I’m not an aerospace engineer but I live far from home and I don’t call my parents as often as I should (sorry mom and dad) and I feel like I went through this exact phone call minus the rockets. A sketch that is still funny 60 years later is quite an achievement.
I’d say this could be Mike Nichols and Elaine May’s greatest achievement ever and Nichols is an EGOT (but May is funnier).
I’m team Pooja. This is exactly my mood whenever I’ve ever cleaned anything in a part-house. Even my own mess. TO GET. FROM. MINE. BACK.
I find the elevated world of soap operas hilarious. Fragments of that drama without context? Yes please. This isn’t just lip service, 10 minutes from my Melbourne International Comedy Festival show this year was just me spitting out Home and Away storylines.
In this gem, Ailsa pulls Irene away for a private word and delivers the line to end all lines: “If my son swallows a Chinese disk, I want to know more about it!”
I’m not going to pretend to use TikTok. You know me better than that. Barstool. The Sims. Observer. Instead, I have a roommate who occasionally sends me videos that she finds funny. I don’t always agree, but I wholeheartedly agree with these two.
This story made me cry with laughter. Hospitality is never as simple as you think it will be. I once worked at a donut cart and was approached by a man who asked, “Are these donuts or are they candles?”
I don’t think you should tell a grown man the difference between a candle and a donut, so I told him it was candles. He took two.
I keep saying, “This is my first time walking around with a bag of onions.” Maybe the girls were just playing with him. Maybe he has a creepy doppelganger who likes onions. However you look at it, it’s very funny.
From now to the end of time, every generation will discover Kate Bush. For the current generation, it’s from Stranger Things. For me, it was my senior English teacher who threw a boombox on her desk and played Wuthering Heights in full, before finally announcing that we would be studying that term Wuthering Heights. The Catcher in the Rye didn’t get the same treatment as there isn’t a song for it and let’s face it, if it did, it would be a shame.
In honor of Gen Z finally awakening their Kate Bush, this is my favorite Kate Bush moment on the internet. As with almost everything she does, it’s hard to tell if it’s real art or performance art.
Bronwyn Kuss performs as part of the Melbourne International Comedy Festival roadshow and tours Australia; see dates here.